Sad day...

All week I've been excited for today, because I was going to announce some exciting news. At the beginning of October I found out that I was Pregnant. It was one of the happiest moments of my life. We had been trying for 10 months. Which is nothing compared to how long a lot of people have to try. But it finally happened, we were going to have a baby in June.

This morning I had my 2nd Dr's appointment, he went to hear the heart beat and he couldn't find it. He said that sometimes happens because 12 weeks is the earliest you can hear the heart beat. So we went to the ultra sound room to see if he could see the heart beat. When he did the ultra sound, he said he measured the baby at 9 1/2 weeks, I was supposed to be 12 weeks along. And he couldn't see the heart beat. He told me I had a "missed miscarriage". So, I had a miscarriage, but my body didn't recognize it, so my baby is still inside of me, but its not alive. So on Friday I'll go in for a D&C.

When I hit about 9 1/2-10 weeks, i noticed I started feeling a lot better, I wasn't nauseous anymore, or tired, I didn't feel pregnant anymore. I thought I was lucky and my first trimester symptoms had ended early. Before I started feeling better, I felt like crap and I couldn't wait for it to be over. But right now, I can't wait to feel like crap again!

I do believe that this happened for a reason, and I'll have a baby when I'm supposed to. And now I'm just trying to focus on the positive side of things. Before we got pregnant we were planning on going to Disney world in June, and now we can go. Even though I'd rather have a baby then go to Disney World. I'm glad this happened now, and not while I was further along. And I hear that after you get pregnant once its easier to get pregnant again.

If you know me very well, you know that I can't keep a secret, especially when it's exciting news. So when I found out I was pregnant, we told immediate family, a couple Friends, and people at work (it's especially hard to keep secrets from people I see every day). So I decided to blog about this to let everyone who knew I was pregnant know that I'm not now. I didn't want to have to explain this a bunch of times. So now I've learned my lesson and next time I won't tell people until I'm further along. Even though its fun to tell people exciting news, It sucks even more to tell people bad news.